Hey did you know that today (June 7) is June Bug Day! At least according to the website Check i Day anyways. The site also says that it is celebrated annually and helpfully tells the reader that in 2021 June Bug Day will be on a Monday, so there's that.

I have to take this day to ask why are there June Bugs? Of all the little critters, creepy, crawlies (including Pauly Shore in that movie that takes place in South Dakota), varmints, infestations, or vermin; June Bugs are the worst. At least the worst that can be found in South Dakota.

No, they can't hurt you like a black widow spider; and no, if pushed I would probably choose to room with a June Bug instead of a roach. But, June Bugs hold a special place on the list of things that gross me out.

Why? Have you ever seen a June Bug? Of course you have because they are the size of a small cat. Except that they are not fluffy and cuddly and cute like a kitty. They are huge. They have a hard outer shell like a demon M&M. But, inside there is no chocolate that will melt in your mouth, there's just gallons and gallons insect goo.

On top of their general disgustingness and prehistoric size; June Bugs are dumb. So dumb. Not that I care that they are dumb in general. It's that their dumb bugness means they will get trapped in the screen on my front door.Then when I leave in the morning they will make that buzzing sound that comes straight from the bowels of hell, and scare me.

"GIANT BUG! IT'S GOING TO GET ME!" is an example of something I may have shouted one morning recently. It may have echoed up and down the quiet morning street causing some weird looks to be peeking from behind curtains. Yes, Millie it's just me giving you more stuff to talk about with Jerry . Not to brag but I'm kind of the neighborhood weirdo.

June Bugs just love lights. And apparently they just love the lights at my house. They must gather in the trees around my property and wait. Coordinating their efforts to decent on my home the second summer dusk falls. As soon as Mr. Sun dips below the horizon, swarms of anywhere between two and one million June Bugs sweep in to get their fix from my porch light. And God forbid I dare to open the garage door after eight o-clock in the evening. The garage's light will shine it's forbidden fruit and attract all the gross, flaying balls of insect goo.

It's bad enough seeing and hearing them them on patrol around my humble abode. The real insect-apocalypse comes when on of these devil beetles come into contact with me. They've got to have about 27 little pokey legs that grip the skin. OMG! Just thinking about these flying eggs touching me has made me throw up a little. Gross, Gross Gross!

Before I sign off, I'd like to take a second and address the bats out there.

Hey bats, first off, thank you for eating all those mosquitoes. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. Also, you guys look really cool flying from tree to tree in the evening. One of fave parts of summer. But, could you maybe work on getting more June Bugs into your diet? If possible, that'd be great! Thanks bats.

So, in collusion I'll just say June Bugs, you're gross.


 

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