We can put a man on the moon but we can't come up with a blood test that doesn't require me to fast for 12 hours?

I'm convinced it's some sort of mean spirited joke orchestrated by the medical community.  The gals at the clinic just like to see what level of crankiness I can reach without passing out.

You've heard of people spontaneously igniting into a ball of fire- well I'm pretty sure I'm close to spontaneously exploding into a big pile of goo.

I think my stomach may even be caving in on itself due to lack of coffee. Wait - I can't feel my ribs - (If I lean over far enough)!

Now granted, the coffee at work leaves a lot to be desired, but my "internal happy meter" has come to rely on it - even crave it if you will.

Ooh, ooh.  Now the room is starting to spin and I think I'm on the verge of getting the shakes...need Folgers...

If any of my co-workers is reading this - hurry, call 9-1-1.  Someone get me to the clinic so they can take whatever blood they need.

Then you'll need to rush me to the hospital emergency room so I can be hocked up intravenously to a "coffee" drip.

Tomorrow morning's show depends on it!!!